As I cried and typed up my blog yesterday, I had an overwelming desire to hold Gabriel again. Amazingly, the funeral home called to ask if they should procede with the cremation. I couldn't believe it. He wasn't gone? He WAS in the next room where I could go and hold him? They said, "Sure, no problem, come on down and you can hold him as long as you like." My sister picked me up and we rushed to the funeral home.
Even if I could just feel the weight of him again, I was so overjoyed to have an opportunity one last time. In the hospital, I was probably in shock a little and not sad. I was afraid of moving his little body because I didn't want to hurt him, but then I regretted it later because I forgot to look at his ears and his bottom and other details. Mom's know how you want to know every inch of your baby.
Todd at Majors Funeral home was wonderfully compassionate. He needed me to sign a form to ok the cremation. I tried not to think about it, but that was very difficult to put my signature on that form. Then he had me pick out a tiny urn for Gabriel's ashes.
Then, he brought me my sweet baby, preciously wrapped in blankets. I could hardly wait to unwrap him. Heather immediately said, "I'm so glad we came." and I said, "He looks good." He looked much better than anticipated and he seemed a lot less fragile than at the hospital. What a joy, to have time to lavish that love on him I had so desired. I took my time looking at all angles. I wrapped him up and held him and unwrapped him several times. I didn't know how I would be able to leave him there, but God's amazing peace settles in and I calmly handed him over so thankful for that totally unexpected hour I got to spend with him.
Amber, I'm so glad yoy got to hold him again when you were wanting to so much. I had the same feelings about wanting to see and memorize every inch of Gracie. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteSo thankful that you got to see him and love him again. You got tell them you wanted him blanket and make all those decisions that only a mom can know the right ones for you. Thanks for sharing the pictures and time you spent with Gabriel.
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious time with your sweet son! I would feel the same way, every angle, every hair, I would need to touch and kiss all of him. My thoughts are with you, as always.
ReplyDeleteThat is so awesome that you got that chance to hold him again. What a sweet time for you.
ReplyDeleteDear Amber,
ReplyDeleteI read your post and cried. Thank you. Bless You. I am so glad that you were able to hold him and love him. He will be with you always. Love never leaves.